Friday, June 21, 2013

2013 Trade Deadline Preview

The Brewers are not going to compete this season. There, I said it. And at the rate they're playing, they are almost guaranteed to be sellers by the time the non-waiver trade deadline rolls around on July 31st.

So with this in mind, a lot of questions need to be answered. Who will be on the block for the Brewers? What could they possibly get in return? Will Mark Attanasio play ball despite wanting to field an annual contender?

To find all these answers and more, The Book of Gorman is giving you an exclusive look behind the door of an actual Major League Baseball GM, or to be more specific, that of one Mr. Douglas Decimus Meridius Melvin...

Doug calls Phillies GM Ruben Amaro

(phone rings) "Hello?"

"Ruben! It's Doug Melvin. How the heck are ya?"

"Oh, hi Doug. It goes okay, I guess."

"Aww, what's the matter? Got the Roy Halladay blues? You know what, though? I got just thing to cure what ails you: Yuniesky Betancourt. Eh? Eh???

"Gee Doug, that's a tempting offer, but we already got ourselves a slow position player who can't hit right handed pitching. His name is Delmon Young."

"Well, why not double down then, huh? Think about it: Young and Betancourt back-to-back in the lineup. Not bad, right?"

(dial tone)

"Hello? Ruben?"

Doug calls A's Actor/GM Billy Beane

"Billy! Long time no talk. How's George Kottaras working out for you?"

"Umm...I cut him a while ago, Doug."

"Ohh, that's too bad...hey! Guess what I'm calling about?"

"I don't want Kyle Lohse, Doug."

"Fine, be that way. Say hi to Angelina and the kids for me!"


Doug calls Angels GM Jerry Dipoto


"What do you want, Doug? I know what this is about. Haven't you taken enough from me?"

"Aww, don't be like that, Jerry! I just wanted to talk...and-maybe-see-if-you-wanted-kyle-lohse-or-aramis-ramir..."

"Goodbye, Doug."

Doug calls Royals GM Dayton Moore






"Oh, gee, I don't know...the fans will be awful cross with me if I went and gave up a really good prospect again."

"But you'd be getting a REALLY good player, Dayton! Come on, it's me, Doug! Your buddy? Your oldest pal? Tell you what: if it makes you feel that bad, I'll give you Yuniesky Betancourt AND Craig Counsell to boot. Then you can just cover all the money!"

"Oh wow!!! You'd really do that for me, Doug? I absolutely LOVE Craig Counsell!"

"Hey, what are friends for?"

Headline of the Kansas City Star on October 3rd, 2013: "DAYTON MOORE CHASED INTO RIVER BY ANGRY MOB"

*end scene*

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