Thursday, January 16, 2014

What's worse than Clark?

Recently the Chicago Cubs, to the abject horror of anyone who was taught about stranger danger, unveiled their new mascot Clark the cub, or Clark Cub, Cub Clark.  I don't really know which it is.  I do know it's hilariously awful.  Take a look at this terrifying scene:

Photo courtesy of CBS

It's so bad that when the Cubs are killing it in the NL Central a few years from now I'll still take solace in the fact that at least Clark isn't the Brewers' mascot.  And that got me thinking.  Is there anything worse than Clark?  So I now introduce you to The Book of Gorman's new recurring series: "What's worse than Clark?"  Here we'll compare and contrast Clark with some other awful thing and let you decide what's worse than Clark.

Clark is up against some stiff competition in our inaugural installment: The Marlins Home Run Sculpture.

Photo courtesy of

The Marlins are a wasteland of a baseball team.  Their owner is the worst in the major leagues.  He's already, at least partially, to blame for running the Expos into the ground.  Even still, the worst thing about them may very well be the home run sculpture.  It's supposed to be a tribute to the Cuban culture in Miami.  I don't know how the Cuban community feels about it, but I think it's an eyesore.  It also cost $2.5 million which was more than the Marlins individually paid 22 players on their 25-man roster.  When a Brewers player hits a home run they shoot off the most depressing looking fireworks and Bernie goes down the slide.  It's a little silly, but it's unobtrusive.  If I want to ignore it, I can.  When a Marlin hits a home run this happens:

So there you have it.  The choice is now in your hands.  Let me know, either in the comments or on Twitter if you think the Marlins home run sculpture is worse than this:

Photo courtesy of

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